After months in Gitmo Bay I was finally able to hustle my was out using only a toothpick and some dental floss, (Those guards have some really bad teeth,) only to find myself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. My time away was certainly my darkest hour, but during that time I was imprisoned with a stoic of the highest order. He taught me to rely only on myself and do what is right no matter what. He also taught me to drink my own piss and to use my beard as a filter. At the time I found some of his teachings odd but his survival techniques will serve me well in this new dystopia. I hope to see you all soon, that is if its not to laaaaaaarrrrggg……….
Forgive me if my content is slightly dated, I’m trying to distance myself from the hipsters. A lot has gone on since my last blog post. I crawled back from dark side to find myself back in the mountains of coastal BC. The madness was strong but the mountain air has cleansed me of shear insanity.
I learned how to survive out here when supplies are low and wifi is shoddy. Thanks to incredibeard I’ll never be without dishes again.
I also learned that you can’t live on happiness alone. (That sentence is much funnier if read with a French accent.) No matter how much joy you bring others some times happiness is not enough (*snicker, sorry I’ve been away from my lady for some time now.) I’m trying to give props to the late great Robin Williams. If there was ever a better beard in any of his oft shaven rolls, Jumanji takes the cake. Though even the fan favorite Genie sports a quaint gotee. His bout with depression hidden by an array of fake smiles and a bowl full of ramen noodles, I mean laughs, left us all shocked. But his hidden illness enriched our lives and filled our hearts. And sometimes a growing heart is more important than growing a beard.
Rest in peace Robin
Thanks and cheers
It’s been a grueling challenge these many months maturing my masculine beard. I’ve been called everything from Heyzues to The Bearded Devil. (My favorite by far was that my beard was Christ like. The very epitome of divinity. Amen.) The combination of being trapped in the woods for three weeks battling the elements, bombarded by bugs, dancing with devils club and the weight of the massive follicle excrement coming out of my chin has started to make me more crazy than Howard Moon as a coco loco castaway.
Somehow through all this I must laugh in the face of nature see my plight through to the end and keep my coconut held high. Not just for fear of tripping but for pride and most of all for justice.
Here is a toast to Carl. may you never leave me, never…. ever…EVER
Beard blog day 93: Waiting for brunch
My face is itchy, I haven’t seen my upper lip for nearly two months, my lower lip is following suit and my wife refuses to kiss me. Nonetheless Carl and I continue our bromance. For the beard must go on!
So last year Zach Galifianakis came out of the closet on Real Time.
All of this was just a silly joke of course but it put him in hot water with his wife who even had family members calling to ask about it. Zack undoubtedly had to do a lot of ass kissing and presumably genitalia licking to get back on her good side. That all happened last may and nine months later I’m sure everyone will be happy to know things are just happy as punch over in the Galifianakis home.