As I was scratching my chin trying to come up with 15 lists, 150 articles people could live without I decided it was more effort than it was worth so instead I offer a single list of things I should be doing right now. Just kidding.
I am wondering how our reading pleasures have gone from Shakespeare to lists of trivial factoids. Why the craze of listies? Is it due our innate desire to prioritize everything in life from underwear to extreme sport crazes? There is the “top 3” list for the person with little time or the mega list of 25 for the person with no life. But for you I’ll provide just a small (and deceivingly titled) list of lists that you could live without (Including this one).
The self improvement list.
The introduction of the 12 step program may be the catalyst to this list craze. Though its only got about a 90% success rate, its the endurance of the program for an out reach to alcoholism that may be a better measures of its success.
Now there are more ways to make yourself happier and better looking than ever before but personally I’d scrap everyone of them that doesn’t start with growing a beard.
The cool new tech list
Our addiction to cool new gadgets likely stems from the artificial extension of child hood. Which isn’t just seen in our obsession with toys but also the length of time “kids” live with their parents. Over 50% of them live out their twenties at mom and dads.
The new toy phenomenon perfectly captures the attention span of the average consumer with tech breaking down shortly after the one year warranty runs out. Which is perfect because most people get bored of their new toy before then anyway. This is a clever little sales tactic called planned obsolescence. Not only does this new toy mentality permeate western culture but it also feeds the slave labour machine in the east. Look on the back of your new toy I bet it doesn’t say made by a super happy whistling elf in the North Pole.
Lets not forget the mineral war in the Congo making the Second Congo War the deadliest conflict worldwide since WWII. All so someone can have a new cell phone that doubles as a beard trimmer.
The relationship list
Most relationships start out great but as you get to know a person you discover their horrifying childhood traumas that come bubbling to the surface. At this point the arguments start and while one couple is looking for a list to improve their sex life the other can’t seem to direct their eyes at the right part of the others anatomy.
Most of these lists can be broken down to two pieces of advice. Communication is the key to any relationship (not just marriage) and don’t get married. Marriage is after all the leading cause of divorce.
The sports list.
Pro sports, that never ending entertainment spectacle that has sports writers guessing who the next up and coming team or athlete will be, while distracting us from real life matters. Chomsky, among others, describe sports as replacement for our innate desire to rally behind a cause. Not only distracting us but fullfilling our desires to fight for an actual cause.
It has us replacing our first person singular pronouns with first person plural pronouns as if somehow the person them-self is actually part of the team.
Now don’t get me wrong I do enjoy some entertainment from time to time. But if you see me out there I’ll probably look more like
this guythan this guy
The music list
Am I the only one disappointed with the top acts of 2013? Maybe I’m out of touch but anyone who puts Kanye West among the best talents of the year has more hair in their ears than I do on my face. Not that I’m at all surprised. The industry has long shed its idea that making music is about uplifting the soul and replaced it with profit so that any girl without any self respect can dry hump her way to fame.
I usually do have respect for the musicians that make it big on talent alone but more and more I find even my favorite artists changing their style and succumbing to the woes of the industry. At least I still have one band I can rely on.
The wow list
The amazing pictures/discoveries that are too cool for you to experience so you might as well waste your time browsing them on the internet instead of experiencing your own adventures. I’ve traveled a limited distance in my short life but everywhere I go I find nature to be as equally spell binding as the place before. Getting out in nature is the best way to eliminate stress and therefore lengthening your life. So what are yo waiting for? Get off the computer stop reading this excessively cynical blog post and experience the world outside your doorstep. That is unless its the middle of the night, its pissing cats and dogs and you’ve got a beard to comb.